Say no more to abuse. That is the reflection of the day. Today, I had the privilege of having a conversation with someone that was asking me for advice of a toxic relationship that this person has and he doesn’t know how to get out of it or what to do. I was thinking, how many times, so many of us get into these relationships where we are mentally and sometimes, physically abused and we allow the abuse. I was there. I’ve done this. I know how painful it is and I understand why we actually get comfortable in that zone of abuse. The reason stems from our past, our childhood. The life that we’ve had that has created this negative toxic relationship with ourselves is the reason we get into these relationships. Somehow, we find that it’s okay to be there. That it’s okay to be abused. It is not okay. It is not okay for someone to put us down constantly. For someone to distrust us because of their jealousy. Their obsessive jealousy and even go as far as to touch us and we allow it. The work that needs to be done is not on the relationship. The work that needs to be done is on ourselves. The focus when you find yourself in that type of relationship is you have to decide that you’re going to say no more to abuse and start taking the steps to get out of that relationship. Don’t think you’re going to be changing anyone. People have the opportunity to change but they have to make that decision themselves. We cannot force anyone to change. We could only change ourselves. This is my advice to any of you that find yourselves in an abusive relationship. Number one is to accept that that is where you are. Number two is to understand that you are making the choice to stay but the way that you’re choosing to stay you could also choose to leave and take that leap of faith. Ironically, I say that you’re better off in pain alone than being in pain with somebody that is abusing you. But it’s hard to take that first step. What I say to people that are struggling that are not at the stage where they hit bottom is to start preparing for the exit. That is, start working on yourself. Start looking into self books. If you can, get into therapy. If you have a priest or a pastor that you talk to, start searching for help with the people that love you. Start talking and then, even financially, you decide okay, “I’m going to leave”. Start giving yourself the time that you’re going to stay and prepare to save money as much as you can so that you can have Independence. Being independent is so critical to be able to get out of a relationship that is abusive. Those are the pieces of advice that I could give you. It is a process that takes time but you have to start at some point. The way to start is by starting to love yourself, by starting to like yourself! Because if you love yourself, you will never put up with abuse. But sometimes, unfortunately too many times, it is so hard to really learn to love and like yourself. But it is possible. I have lived through those dark abusive relationships and I’ve come out to the other side. Let’s reflect, reset and reconnect.
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