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How did I share with my children the story of sexual abuse

How did I share with my children the story of sexual abuse. That is the reflection of the day. Today, I share with you when I decide to do this because I realized that there are many victims out there that might not realize, how do I even start a conversation with my children about what happened. I’m just going to share with you what I did, how I handle it and hopefully, this is something that would help you if you have been a victim, how you share with your children. So with my boys, Franco and Jeffrey, I waited. For those of you that don’t know me, I have three children. Two boys and a girl and it happens to be my son’s birthday today. He is 36. Jeffrey is 31 and I have a 12 year old daughter. I decided to wait to share with my children, my boys, when they were in college. I first shared it with Franco when he went to college and I didn’t share it with his brother. He actually kept silent until I was able to and felt that I was ready to share it with Jeffrey when he went to college. For me personally, I felt that they were ready at that time. But the way that I shared the story, pretty much I have done it three times with my three children, I concentrated on not being a victim of my past but instead showing them how resilient their mother has been and how I turned something so dark and so painful into something that actually made me stronger. I was able to become a fearless, unstoppable woman. I turned it into something positive. Obviously, the pain is there. You can share that this was a painful experience. Something really took you a long time to get over and I think we never get over it completely. But we get stronger from it. So the challenge, for me, came when I had to share with my 12 year old daughter because that was going to break this cycle of how I did this. I had to do this because I was coming out with my book, “I Say No More” and there was a documentary that is coming out this year. So I knew that I had to face it with my daughter at an earlier age. What I did was, I sought guidance from a psychologist that specialized in trauma to be able to make sure that I was sensitive to her age. But I realized, after speaking with the therapist, that the model of how I did it, the way that I did it, I didn’t have to change it. I shared with her that mommy went through this and I explained that at the age of 9, I was raped and that my father was the one that gave me to this man and that this is a painful part of my life but it didn’t determine who I am today. So I actually asked my daughter to join me on this podcast so that she can share her feelings of when I first told her, how all this has changed her life and her perception of me after she finds out what my past was about.
María: So, Natasha, welcome back to the show.
Natasha: Hello everyone!
María: Oh, she is becoming a regular. Natasha is very insightful. We have very deep conversations and I enjoy talking to her so much about life. I feel so blessed that she actually is someone that listens and is interested in learning. So Natasha, do you want to share with everyone the story of how I came to speak with you about my past.
Natasha: So I was at dinner with my mom and we were just sitting down and talking. Then she started telling me about what had happened to her when she was younger, her trauma. I was so surprised. I was not expecting that at all. I didn’t know that because she was so well put together that I didn’t expect that that had happened to her. So I was just surprised and my face was shocked.
María: What were the feelings that were inside of you when you heard the details I gave you?
Natasha: I felt, like, a little bit overwhelmed but at the same time proud of, like, how far you’ve come since that had happened.
María: How do you think it’s changed your perception of, you know, sexual abuse?
Natasha: Well, I didn’t really, like, know much about it, like, before that. Like, I knew what it was because now we live in a different type of era and now I’m more educated and I think it is good because I can you now help other people if they, like, if they were a victim or I can like carry on the message that it’s not okay. You know, that I can save people.
María;’s You were telling me about this in school today. As a matter of fact, they were talking about this topic right?
Natasha: Yeah, they were talking about this topic and so I wanted to share with my pals what happened to my mom. So I told them when my mom was 9 years old, she was sexually abused by her father’s friend. I mean like, you know, some people, they were surprised and yeah, it was kind of hard to say a lot of things. But I, you know, I feel proud that she wrote a book on it and I can spread it to other people to help stop this horrible cycle of sexual abuse.
María: There you have it! You know my daughter’s perception and her feelings about when I spoke with her. To find out that your parents, mother or father, because this happens unfortunately to men and women that they’ve gone through an experience like that, you can turn this around and let it be a teaching moment for your children. Teaching that resilience can get you very far in life and that you can learn to rewrite your life after trauma. Let’s reflect, reset and reconnect. Thank you so much, Natasha, for joining me.

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“All my life, I have acted with the firm purpose of helping my community and, in many ways, I continue to do so. Therefore, my advice is: visualize yourself, trust the power of your mind and attract what you want for yourself. Yes, you can live the dream!”

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