How to stop an argument. That is the reflection of the day. Arguments! Interesting how they develop. Arguments, obviously, are two people that are heated and they need to make a point and someone needs to be right. The irony about arguments is that they go nowhere. So, how can we turn an argument into a discussion? This is something that I have worked on a lot. I have a saying, “If you feel heat, do not speak!”. That saying is something that I learned at the beginning to utilize in my position as the Executive Director of Scarsdale Medical Group. I had many bosses and I had to deal with some very difficult people. I learned that if I felt heat, I needed to control what I would say. Sometimes, if there was if I could avoid it, I would not even speak. Because in the front of our brains, believe it or not, is the area that is there to protect you. So, when somebody you feel is attacking you, immediately your body, your brain sends these signals to your body to get ready to attack. When that happens, you start an argument. Two people arguing to make the point. They forget the intention of the relationship. So, I’m going to concentrate now just speaking about, you know, boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, partners, whatever it is. If you are having an argument, the way to stop it is for you to take control of yourself and be silent. The less you say, the better off you are. If the other person is unable to control themselves, they will get tired of hearing themselves, eventually. But when you entertain it, it just feeds the fire. It’s fuel that you’re adding to the fire and nothing comes out of it. Nothing good comes out of an argument. So, the way to deplete it is to really just be in silence. Figure out if you could meditate. Go to the room. Take a few deep breaths. There’s an exercise that I do where you breathe to the count of four, you hold to the count of four and then, you let your breath out to the count of eight. Believe it or not, it does work. You do this at least four to six times and then, you relax and still be quiet because nobody is going to be right. When you have an argument, both parties will be hurt. That’s the way it is. So take the time to be less reactive and go into a space where you can reflect and reset. It’s valuable to learn to be able to do this and I have to say that I feel extremely proud that I have worked so hard in mastering that especially because I get challenged quite a lot at the medical center with patients that are unhappy or they’re not feeling well. You know people are pretty heated and in my relationships too. My relationship with John, my relationship with my kids, my relationship with Natasha. I have learned to take advantage of silence. Silence is your friend when you’re getting into an argument. So today, I invite you to reflect on how much you are arguing and what the intention is. The intention of connection or is the intention for you to be right. So let’s reflect, reset and reconnect.
- January 18, 2021